


somebody catch my breath

by brahnuh



Series: pen pals [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Alternate Universe - No Powers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-07-28 07:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20060113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brahnuh/pseuds/brahnuh
Summary: A collection of extra scenes from "i wanna be known by you" - some familiar but from Steve's perspective, some totally new!





	1. Pen Pal Program

**Author's Note:**

> i just couldn't be done with these boys that easily. here are some scenes i wanted to see through steve's eyes, whether they be scenes we already saw in the original fic or ones that happened "offscreen," as they say!
> 
> i'll include the corresponding chapters in the end notes if there's something you may want to reference (like, say, a letter?). i have no idea how many of these there will be or how long they may be, but i have a handful already in mind.
> 
> enjoy!

Steve doesn’t realize quite how homesick he’ll get in the military until he finds himself aching to hear a Brooklyn drawl, for the smell of pastrami, and to listen to the sounds of people shouting in the way only New Yorkers can.

There’s not a lot of that overseas. Not even on base, where Steve’s spending most of his time on his third deployment.

He learns to shove it all aside, getting his work done and having fun with his squad when he can. He has a few troublemakers — Lieutenant Scott Lang, in particular — and lets them make harmless trouble when he thinks they can get away with it. As their commanding officer, he probably shouldn’t, but there’s a difference between doing things right and doing the right thing and this deployment is getting to all of them. So far their duties have been mostly busiwork, so Steve figures they deserve the right to loosen up off-duty. Plus, it helps him settle in and distracts him from how much he misses Brooklyn.

He must manage to let some of it slip to Sam when it gets really bad a few months in — or maybe Sam is just too good at reading him — because he tells Steve about a pen pal program for soldiers like him, to hear from veterans at home, and maybe it could help him feel more connected to the States.

So he does it. It takes until he’s had a little bit too much beer one night, but he signs up, figuring, what’s the harm?

What he doesn’t expect is to come back to his room a week and a half later to find Thor waiting in his desk chair, an excited smile playing on his lips. He leaps to his feet when Steve comes into the room, his grin fully forming.

“Captain Rogers!” he says, thrusting what appears to be an envelope out at Steve. “You have mail, sir.”

“And you hand delivered it,” Steve comments, quirking an eyebrow ever-so-slightly. Thor seems unfazed. “That’s courteous of you. Thanks.”

Thor nods. “You don’t get a whole lot of mail, so I thought it might be more special if someone was here to give it to you.”

Steve finally cracks a smile at this, clapping Thor on the shoulder. “Thank you, Odinson. I appreciate it.”

“Of course, Captain! I will leave you to read it in peace.” He salutes and strolls out the door. 

Steve chuckles, peering at the mail he definitely isn’t expecting. He sees it’s from a Sergeant James Barnes, in — Brooklyn? 

Curiosity piqued, he tears the letter open and begins to read.

Sergeant Barnes describes exactly what Steve misses — the environment, the  _ food _ . When Steve finishes reading, there’s a tightness in his chest he thinks is somewhere between being grateful, homesick, and maybe a little bit overwhelmed. 

He gets started on his response letter right away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is basically steve's side of [chapter one](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19142521/chapters/45495466), but the letter he writes is at the beginning of [chapter two](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19142521/chapters/45503128#workskin).


	2. An Introduction to the Howling Commandos

When Bucky reveals he’s been deployed with the Howling Commandos, Steve has a moment of pause. He knows that name. Those men — they’d been ambushed, a ton of their company lost or scattered, so Steve and some of his team had been sent out to help them. 

It was bad out there. They were on the front lines of a battle none of them wanted to be fighting. Steve was imported command, so the Commandos were understandably hesitant having to follow him immediately, but there’s a reason Steve was a captain by the time he was twenty-four. Plus, this is the army; doing what you’re told is far from optional. They figured out how to work together pretty quick after Steve started giving orders, which he appreciated, but it was a life and death scenario and the alternative to taking orders from a stranger was almost certainly dying. None of them were too fond of the idea.

It was a rough month or so. The battle went off in bursts, but there was no easy way out of the area, so they camped out nearby and tried not to give away their positions. Thank God for MREs. 

The Commandos were in rough shape, and getting worse by the week. Being that this was war, there was no time to grieve for their fallen friends and comrades, and having to swallow those heavy emotions took its toll. They were clearly exhausted, and Steve’s small group of men wasn’t going to fix what was already broken for them. All he could do was utilize the best strategy his brain could come up with on short notice and do his damndest to keep them all alive.

He remembers one evening in particular. They were settled pretty far back from the battlefield, over the crest of a hill that hid them from their opponents. They’d almost completely pushed the enemy back and were close to eliminating their forces. Not the brightest of scenarios in the moral scheme of things, but they were feeling good about their success and it was a nice change of pace from the constant fear and stress of the past few weeks.

Everyone was scattered in a rough approximation of a circle, some of the soldiers leaning against each other, others laying down. Steve was pretty sure Valkyrie was already asleep, and she wasn’t the only one.

“God, I wish we had alcohol,” Jones lamented to no one in particular. From the ground next to him, Morita grunted in agreement, and a few others echoed around their camp. 

“We’ll be back at base soon enough,” Steve assured them. “I know for sure they’ve got good beer this time around.”

“What brand?” Dugan asked.

“Blue Moon.”

“Blue Mo — you think _ that’s _good beer?” Morita sat up, sending an affronted look Steve’s way. “At least get me a Sam Adams. Christ. Blue Moon. Barnes loved Blue Moon, too.” He scoffed, shaking his head, but some of his annoyance fell away when he glanced elsewhere after a moment and started wringing his hands. Steve recognized it as his tell for worrying.

“I hope he’s doing alright,” Falsworth said quietly from beside Steve. “He and Barton both. Things were looking pretty rough, last I saw.”

Dugan let out a breath, his shoulders slumping. “They gotta be. They made it to medical and were extracted. No chance either one of them is gonna be back to this hellhole, at least.”

“Too bad, really. I could use some of Barton’s whining so I don’t have to do it myself,” Dernier said. 

Morita snorted, looking back into the circle. “Please. You always piled on it anyway. Barnes was the only one who could ever shut the two of you up, and that’s only because Barton was already his friend.”

“Sarge definitely had a better grip on all of you than I do,” Dugan told them, shaking his head. They all went quiet for a few beats. Steve felt like he was intruding on their time to mourn. After a while Dugan finally sighed. “Well, he’s better off out in the regular world anyway. Show off his ugly mug to someone other than us, for a change.” The Commandos grunted in agreement, the silence stretching on as they thought about their injured friends.

“Get some rest,” Steve instructed after giving them a little more time. “We’re in the home stretch, but we’ve got a hard push ahead of us. You’ll all need your strength up.”

There was an assenting murmur throughout the camp. It didn’t take long for most of them to be laying down, breaths evening out. Steve took first watch, along with Thor, to give the Commandos more time to rest. They’d earned it, after everything they’d been through.

The battle ended two days later, and during the celebration, Steve finally felt like he belonged with the Howling Commandos.

✪✪✪

He remembers them with fondness, and wants to make sure Bucky knows that, but as he sits down to write, a concerned-faced Lieutenant Lang pops into his doorframe.

“Captain, we have a problem.”

Steve frowns, setting his pencil down. “What is it?”

✪✪✪

The problem, as it turns out, is a missile strike five miles from the base. This war has been bloody so far, but not that bloody, so the base goes into a frenzy. Everyone preps for the worst, calling home just in case it’s their last chance. He calls Sam and explains the situation, but they don’t exchange a tearful goodbye. Sam just tells him: “Be smart. Be safe.” 

Soldiers are tense with stress and fear and if Steve has to hear another_ if I don’t get to say it again, I love you _, he’s going to fall apart.

The week passes agonizingly slow. Everyone is on edge; hidden away in bunkers and waiting for the other shoe — or, in this case, bomb — to drop. 

Finally, seven days in, they’re given the all-clear from troops out on the field. They’ve taken out all enemy forces with the capabilities to hit base, and the rest have withdrawn. They aren’t safe forever, but they’re safe for now.

When Steve tells his men, he’s met with whoops and cheers so loud they hurt his ears, but he doesn’t care. He returns the fierce, relieved hug Thor pulls him into because they finally know they’ll get to live another day and drinks too much that night to celebrate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> related letters in this one are found in [chapter two!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19142521/chapters/45503128#workskin)


End file.
